![]() ![]() (That hate speech has since translated into hate crimes.)Ĭinema has a complicated history with depicting bullying-a term we’ll use to encompass all forms of repeated power abuses in which individuals are harmed physically or psychologically through speech or action. On Twitter, there was a 900 percent increase in hate speech directed at Chinese users and peoples. Organizations that track online harassment found an instant 70 percent uptick in cyber bulling and hate speech following global lockdown. When most cities and schools and social functions shut down last year, one might have expected a boon of solidarity-and there was certainly a shared sense of struggle and humanness-but the world’s retreat to online social platforms also meant that the teasing and hazing, which might have occurred IRL, was now exploding online. I also recommend starting this conversation the same way as any difficult discussion-by directly saying, “This is going to be a difficult conversation,” or, “This is something I’ve been really struggling with.Ours is a hateful world. To make sure it comes across as a professional conversation rather than tattling, focus on facts and how this person’s behavior is affecting your work rather than how it makes you feel. If you are indeed being bullied, gather as much evidence as possible (emails, etc.), and then go to Human Resources or to the other person’s boss if you have a good relationship with him or her and calmly explain the situation. To me, the definition of a bully is someone who makes consistent personal attacks or comments that are degrading, demeaning, insulting or offensive. That’s not ideal, but it’s not abusive, either. Some people aren’t interested in developing relationships at work and are completely focused on getting the job done, so they act demanding and cold instead of warm and fuzzy. There is often a fine line between a person who isn’t as nice as you’d like and someone who is actually abusive. “Let’s take a break and come back to this later.”īut if the behavior is consistent, it’s time to question whether or not it constitutes bullying.“Let’s try to get this conversation to a place where it can be productive.”.Here are a few phrases that I rely on when I’m dealing with someone treating me the wrong way at work: If someone makes one insulting comment, I recommend addressing it directly and then moving on. Good people make mistakes, and this doesn’t automatically mean that they are bullies. It’s important to note that I did not report his behavior the first time he said something disparaging to me. When a bully spots that doubt, he or she will be very likely to prey on it. Often, we “nice girls” carry around a tiny seed of doubt that a conflict is somehow our fault. It takes a lot of confidence and self-knowledge to stay true to yourself in this type of environment. ![]() Do not engage in drama, and never allow yourself to get swept up in someone else’s bad behavior. But if you do this, make sure you have people in your corner who will support you and protect yourself by setting emotional boundaries. If you acknowledge to yourself that this person is a bully and are determined not to let it bother you, by all means, try and make it work. When I’ve faced situations like this, I’ve found it useful to choose one or more of the following three courses of action. Throughout the years, I have learned to recognize that someone else’s bad behavior has nothing to do with me and then separate myself from it by acknowledging that I am powerless to change it. ![]() If you’re being mistreated in that way, seek legal counsel.) (Important to note: I’m not talking about sexual harassment or abuse in the workplace, which is a related but different issue. These are extremely difficult situations, and they can be even more challenging for “nice girls” like me who so value getting along with their coworkers and are often very likely to take a bully’s actions personally. I’ve seen bullying take on many different forms at work - not just yelling or hurling insults, but also talking behind someone’s back, sabotaging their work or spreading negative rumors. He frequently made big promises and never followed through. To make things even worse, he was completely ineffective. He was mean, he yelled, he interrupted me in meetings constantly, and he micromanaged like crazy. My company was based in New York City, and my boss asked me to partner on a project with someone I immediately recognized as toxic. The first time I had to deal firsthand with a bully at work was when I was in my early 30s. ![]()
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